D49 on Route 53

What is your definition of revelation?

Mine is; when something is made visible to you in a way that would normally go unnoticed yet in this space, a truth is revealed. I find that this happens for me when I'm in a space of complete openness and vulnerability. On my way to work this morning, I cried as I drove, in between each tear fell a piece of me, tears rolled down my face that held love, joy, sadness, longing, distance, confusion and a huge dose of reality, teardrop by teardrop. I drove 71 mph on route 53 for at least 10 minutes with this huge truck driving in front of me. The height and width of this truck prevented my ability to see anything that may have been in front of it or awaiting in the distance ahead for me. In those moments, it was just the truck, my vehicle and those that drove by or alongside in the right and left lanes. I couldn't see if there was a need to slow down, to brake suddenly or to switch lanes. I didn't know if this truck had a car in front of it, 5 cars ahead or none at all. I simply kept driving, I trusted the drive to work that I knew so well, the familiarity of my daily course on route 53. And then it dawned on me. This is what FAITH truly looks like. To blindly keep moving on the course that you know and to trust that you will reach your intended destination. To lean into your intuition, knowing that if something needs to move you, there will be a prompt and if not, simply keep moving forward. It was also evident that many of life's obstacles and heartaches come to us without warning. We cannot see what is ahead of us, for if we did, we may slow down prematurely, stop completely or veer off into another lane that isn't meant for us. It is with a blind faith that we have to keep pressing on, staying on course...

even when it's hard. ....And I will tell you that it is excruciatingly hard. A hard that disrupts rest, understanding, tenacity and certainty...yet I do know that nothing in 10 lifetimes could have prepared me for life's current condition; the magnitude of such loss, absence and displacement. So maybe, that is the "blessing" in all of this that I've been looking for. The blessing of the "unknown", instead of a fear of it. For knowing beforehand some of the most shattering things in life may bring much more harm than good, robbing us from being present, causing us to treat the ones we love like prisoners for fear of loss instead of with freedom which is the true essence of unconditional love.... Knowing the future creates a lack of trust, the kind of trust that is needed, a trust that allows us to believe that wherever we are headed we (and those that we love) will get there safely, be it in the physical or spiritual form, and most hoped for, in unison. It is a lot to digest, yet it appears that life was carved out this precise way to protect, teach and guide us. At least, this is what I choose to hold on to, today. Tomorrow, may be different. ... I pray, wherever you are in life right now, with all that may be lost or ended and for what has been gained; imagine yourself on a "route 53" and keep driving....hold on with blind faith and a deep trust that in due season all will be revealed. Grateful, Candace

Entry 4/19/2021 1:42PM

Day 49, I miss and love you permanently...