WHEW, 2022

Is anybody there??

I thought I should put something relevant to the New Year on this platform, yet I don't have very much to say.... 2021 was nonetheless; heartbreaking and 2022 is already beginning to reveal so much... Needless to say, this journey (ever so personal) is proving to be a lonely one however cleansing and simultaneously full of growth, renewal and expansion. These can be found while in every disposition and emotion, with the intent to learn, to repurpose, refuel and refocus.

My hopes are that I find inspiration to write more this year and through my transparency; you find a likeness, encouragement, safe space and catalyst to live in your authentic self...or at least work up to that.

----

From my heart to yours, below are a few words written in September of last year... most of which are small broken pieces left within my heart. Some may call it darkness, I call it a sacred course, one that many avoid and very few talk about:

Alone

The feeling the fills my chest when realizing that no matter where I turn

I

Am

Not

Seen

Alone

Unwelcome, unrecognizable, unworthy

Left to be

Alone

Blessed with having ONE that saw but is now...

Gone ....and I am left once again

Alone

Feelings, without matter

Questioning, if I, self, presence, being... matters

Without definitive answers...what remains most prominent is...

Being

So

Alone

So many, so much, influence, busyness ALL around me....whilst;

I suffocate and scrape by, not knowing how to get out

Do I even try

To find a way

Or is it less complicated to just be...

Yeah, it's heavy

Embodying a strength that just one person should never be left to shoulder..

Alone

Beauty found in the residue of, resilience: is what most would offer testifying to my character, how cute

BUT

I so badly long for an embrace

The kind that comes from someone that truly LOVES me and

With

The

Same

Vigor... can tell me that I matter

I haven’t had that since my youngest brother died

(sigh)

Feelings of complete hopelessness and observing the clouds when there is sunshine yet, being unable to see...this was already part of my struggle ....

Now

It stings so much more, more permanently and in the essence of every face that I see

Everyone fails to possess the same purity....

Purity of heart, it matters so much...

Afraid of the unknowns, life-after...

Ending up with simply a fragmented life that remains

I don’t know how to get out...

I don’t know how to breathe.... but there is a willingness to learn

I keep fighting …

Prayer: for all that I don't see at my core, to become vivid within the depths of me..... beheld, clear and visible externally...

Unaware of who it truly matters to (here) but I know that I cannot disappoint you!

I love and I miss you...

The hate of your giving me so much and leaving me with so little, is real.

I am trying...

Alone

Disclaimer: the above is and should be considered an abstract art. Some things from years before should not be taken into the present. However, other things create fibers that remain with you to create an even better version. Love, Candace